March 2012
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Watch
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“That’s the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than...”
– Chuck Palahniuk
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In five years, everyone will wear fannypacks...
Chris: I would only wear a fannypack if it had a skull or the Bat symbol on it. You know what? I'd wear a pink cheetah-pattern fannypack. I'm going to be the guy that brings back the fannypack.
Jel: Hulk Hogan used to wear a fannypack. People would make fun of him about it and he'd be like, "what? It's more convenient than a manpurse!"
Chris: How could anyone make fun of Hulk Hogan? He can punch people through walls.
February 2012
139 posts
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“I do not think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday.”
– Abraham Lincoln
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I'm watching Countrycide.
15 minutes in.
Holy shit.
Somebody hold me.
I don’t want to watch this alone.
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Comedians I’ve seen perform live:
Daniel Tosh
Patton Oswalt
Stephen Colbert
Jon Stewart
Comedians I want to see perform live:
Michael Ian Black
Demetri Martin
Jim Gaffigan
Kyle Cease
Nick Swardson
Jeff Dye
Rick Perry
Seriously, I want my family to be pirates.
Sister: You know that show where they swap wives?
Me: ...Wife Swap?
Sister: Yeah, whatever. Anyways, there was one with a pirate family and-
Mom: Did they live on an island?
Sister: No, they lived in a house. They said they had pirattitude.
Me: That should be us. We should be a pirate family.
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Do you guys ever think about how weird it is that we wake up every morning and live every day counting on the fact that no one is going to murder us?
Here is a list of people who could murder us if they felt like it:
bus driver
taxi driver
teacher
professor
receptionist at where ever we are
delivery person
person riding by you on their bike
person walking past you on the sidewalk
...
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“What makes earth feel like Hell is our expectation that it should feel like...”
– Chuck Palahniuk, Damned
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New Series 7 info.
Moffat:
Doctor Who’s 50th anniversary is coming. In Cardiff, we’re gearing up for the biggest, the best and the most ambitious season we’ve ever made. There will be shocks, surprises and heartbreak - the Doctor is about to say goodbye to his very best friends, Amy and Rory. And then he’s about to say hello to someone very different - the Doctor is going to meet someone very new in the very last...
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I think I've met him before.
Jel: Do you have foursquare?
Chris: No.
Jel: It says that you do. It says "Chris Bonilla from Lorton."
Chris: That name sounds familiar.
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Whenever I go grocery shopping, this is what I end up getting:
Nutella.
A loaf of bread.
Everything bagels.
Cream cheese.
Four or five packs of microwavable chow mein.
I’m not good at this whole “being an adult” thing.
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how to kiss
put your mouth on their mouth
start screaming into their mouth until you pass out
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When the Tenth Doctor met his clones: “You’re not a true Time Lord. You’ll never understand the pain of being alone. You shouldn’t be alive. You were made only for war. Look at all the horrible things you’ve done. I’ve done them too, but when I do it, it’s different. What’s the point of you? Go drink lead paint, assholes.”
When the Eleventh...
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“No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or...”
– Confucius
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I think these “date a girl who writes” thing should be more specific.
It should be “date a girl who writes well.”
Because, I mean, Taylor Swift writes.
And look at what happened with her.
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At least be quiet if you're getting brutally...
Sabrina: I'm about to start reading but someone is being brutally murdered upstairs.
Chris: Who's killing who?
Sabrina: I don't know. Some guy is dying.
Chris: It's good to know you're so concerned.
Sabrina: I mean, he's kinda disrupting my reading, but I'm being a good person by letting it slide.
Chris: You're right. He should be murdered quietly. No need for him to shout about the whole ordeal.
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I still see things from a high schooler's point of...
If there’s a possibility of snow, I think, “cool, they might cancel work.”
No, self. The world doesn’t stop because it might snow a half-inch.
Not anymore.
:(
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i literally used to cry at night because my furby would randomly start talking and wake me up and i was too scared to kill it and when the batteries started dying his voice got creepier and it sounded like he was saying satanic chants so i made my parents throw him into a landfill and i fear everyday that he’ll come back.
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“How many haters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They fear change, even...”
– Anonymous
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They both have hammers, I guess?
Jel: So guess what happened when Sabrina slept over?
Chris: What?
Jel: She was looking at my Crisis On Infinite Earth posters, just staring at it. Then she points to Hawkman, turns to me and asks, "is that Thor?"
Chris: I...I don't even know how those two are similar.
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So there's a tiny farming town in Alberta called...
And as a science fiction fan it’s kind of funny listening to news reports about the town because their demonym is also Vulcan. So all news stories about the town sound like plots for really shitty Star Trek episodes:
Vulcans worried about toxins in drinking water.
Vulcan senior missing.
Vulcan property taxes on the rise.
But I guess they have a replica of the Enterprise there to prove that...
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It's just a satire. Don't kill me.
I’m glad we live in a country in which gay marriage is illegal.
I mean, how could a woman possibly love another woman? They can barely comprehend voting!
Could you even imagine if the government allowed gay people to run around and get married, all willy-nilly? If two men were to ever got married, all of the children in America will enter a state of crippling confusion, the nation will...
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“Look at the sky. It’s not dark and black and without character. The black is, in...”
– Vincent Van Gogh (Vincent and The Doctor)
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